Being a Military Spouse

When I became a military spouse, I wondered how my life would change and how I would handle having a husband go off to war.  9/11 changed us all and the impact that day had on our military would forever alter our lives.  Being a military spouse means being both parents because one of them is deployed or training.  It also means learning to be independent and dependent at the same time.  You are expected to live a new lifestyle, learn a new language that is full of abbreviations, and realizing that you are expected to follow a new set of rules and regulations that you thought didn't apply to you because you didn't sign up.  Unfortunately, spouses live the same way as the active duty member does, only we do not deploy.  We are behind the scenes and keep things "normal".  The word normal has a million different definitions because no two families are the same.  The one spot we are alike is knowing the stress, emotions, and loneliness and fear we feel when our service member is away.

A military spouse is used to change at any given moment.  As a Marine spouse, we lived by the term "Semper Gumby" meaning always flexible.  It wasn't unusual to have plans one day and those plans get cancelled because of military duties.  Military spouses are the strongest people you will ever know.  They wear a brave face at all times and only fall apart either alone or with another military spouse.  It is a type of "club" that only 1% of the population will ever understand.  

The dedication and advocacy we do for our service member is immeasurable.  The bond is stronger because of what we have experienced together.  We fall in love with our service member every time they return from deployment with a changed personality.  We adjust expectations and change for them to make the relationship work.  We lose our identities to accommodate them.  

What happens to us when we provide support to our spouse, and they are not able to help because of their trauma?  It is time for spouses to speak up and find their strengths and advocate for themselves.  Contact me and tell me what is important to you.  What do you feel is missing that needs to be explored.